Sunday, July 26, 2009

Leaving on a Jet Plane....

Nah, I'm not going anywhere. The song title just seems like an appropriate title for this post. The song was written by John Denver (my wife's favorite artist). It was first recorded by Peter, Paul, and Mary and later recorded by Mr. Denver on several of his albums. I've loved the song since I was a kid but it became even more special after I married Lisa because Mr. Denver's music was such an important part of her life.

If you have followed my blog for a while, you know what Lisa has been through over the past years and you also probably know how hard it was for me to see her so sick. You also know how happy and proud I was to see her recover and return to work as a paramedic. She loves EMS and it was so important to her to get back to doing what made her so very happy.

A week and a half ago, I discovered that she was having an affair and had fallen in love with someone else. One day later, I moved out to begin my new life without her. I can honestly say that I have never had anything more devastating happen to me. We had been married for twenty years and I had never imagined that this could happen to us. Before you ask me about working things out or counseling, please understand that she has no interest in pursuing any options like that. She had already decided to marry this other man before I discovered the affair.

Needless to say, I had a REALLY rough week. The good news is that I seem to be doing really well after less than two weeks. I think that is good news, right? I expected the hurt to last much longer than it actually did. I now seem to find myself feeling sad for Lisa and her new man. I'm not sure I can explain it and I'm not sure I even understand it myself. All the anger and hurt that I felt when I discovered the affair just seems to have vanished. There are still moments of pain but the constant assault is over.

I have been surrounded by my friends and family since all of this happened and I attribute my rapid recovery to all the love they have shown me. I have several sets of what I consider family. I have my blood family that is in Texas. I didn't tell them initially because they were in Colorado on vacation. I did not want to ruin their trip so I waited as long as I could to let them know. I also have a really close group of friends that are like family to me. I use the term "group" loosely. Really, it is three people and and their families. One of which, is the older brother I never had. I told him the day I found out about the affair and by the time I got off work, he had a moving crew (his son and one of my other close friends) at my house to move me to a spare bedroom at his home. Last, is my work family. They have been so supportive of me since this all happened.

I can't imagine how hard this could have been without all the special people I have in my life right now. I know I will be fine now. I know I will be happy again. Happiness is already returning to my life. Just yesterday, we had a very small get together. I am still easily overwhelmed by attention so it was just me, my buddy's family, and one other person that is pretty special to me. I'm not emotional anymore but I get pretty anxious and somewhat cranky when the conversation stays focused on my marriage and the affair very long. I'm also a bit sensitive about people wanting to "fix" something or making me do stuff to distract me. I have to do this my way at my pace. Anyway, back to yesterday! I spent most of the day cooking on the smoker while my buddy's wife and sister prepared side dishes. We had an incredible meal and then played pool, drank, and enjoyed life.

In many ways, yesterday was my "jet plane". The only life I had know for 20 years ended yesterday and with the help of some very special people, a new life took off for destinations unknown. What I do know, is that I will be happy where ever life takes me. As long as I have people in my life like those there now, I can't be anything but happy.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your heartache. I know your heart and you are such a gentle soul that I know you will persevere through. My thoughts and prayers are with you. She doesn't realize she just gave up the best thing that ever happened to her.

Anonymous said...