Flowers...

I bought my wife an Easter bouquet (okay, I wanted it for photography purpose, too). I wanted to experiment with light sources so I used a incandescent bulb and my Nikon SB-400. I was very please with the results! Most of the photos were taken with my Tokin 100mm AT-X Pro Macro mounted on the Nikon D80. Hope you enjoy!

Interesting Friday....

I was scheduled for my monthly Tysabri infusion on Friday. I knew that it would take about two hours so I scheduled it after lunch. I went ahead and scheduled my physical therapy session afterward. I figured I might as well make the most of my four hours of PTO. I arrived at the infusion center about fifteen minutes early and my nurse was still at lunch. They took me back to a treatment room, pointed me to the recliner, and handed me the TV remote. I always seem to watch the Food Network during my infusion. It is one of my favorite channels and I no longer get it at home. I was watching the clock pretty close since I needed to be done on time to make my PT session. I should know better.



My nurse was a bit late getting back from lunch but I told her it was no problem. Actually, it wasn't yet as I left an hour leeway just in case. She got my IV started an placed a port on the catheter. After getting the Tysabri set up on the IV pump, she hooked my up and got the medication infusing. After about 10 minutes of visiting and watching Rachel Ray, she decided to ask me the pre-infusion questions on the paperwork. I bet you can see where this is going. She quickly discovered that we had an issue with two of the questions on the questionnaire. She picked up the phone and called my neurologist to see if it was okay to infuse the Tysabri. No one answered the phone so she had to leave a message. She decided to discontinue the infusion until we heard back from the doctor.

To make a long story short, it took 45 minutes to get a hold of my neurologist because he was on vacation. I was impressed that he called back at all. When I am on vacation, it takes me a bit to return calls. The nurse was instructed not to infuse me because I had recently received the Solumedrol infusion and there is a possible increased risk of PML when you mix steroids with Tysabri. To say the least, I'm not real thrilled that she forgot to ask the questions before the infusion. I hope that it matters that I only received about a quarter of the usual dosage. I do know that the real risk is minimal, bit still....



I ended up with about an hour and a half to burn before my PT session. Naturally, I went and took some photos! I swung by St. Francis Hospital and got some shots of their BK-117 Life Flight helicopter on the helipad. I then headed down to a local retention pond to photography some of the local birds. I must have taken a hundred duck and gull photos! I got so involved in what I was doing that I was almost late for my PT. This was the first time I really got out and tried to walk around with my camera using the cane. It was a bit of a task to say the least. I ended up with a couple of nice photos so it was worth the effort.

Now for Something Different....

As I have mentioned in previous post, I have Multiple Sclerosis. I have been asked to participate in the MS Blogger Project. I'm just beginning to look over this project and I think it is a wonderful idea so I'm looking forward to participating in any way I can. I know that the internet is a great tool for many people with MS. It is a means to share experiences for many people with MS. I have always found it helpful to discuss my illness with other and I frequently use this blog to do just that. I am certain that I am not alone in that I find it helpful to see what other people go through with their illness and treatment. Below is a post from Lisa at Brass and Ivory:

Wow!! I've found at least 200 Bloggers with MS out there actively discussing all sorts of things. My hope is to strengthen the connections and bonds throughout the MS blogger community.

To help spread the word, here's what you can do:



1. Copy the entirety of this post
2. Create a new post and paste this content
3. Visit 3 of the blogs listed below which you were unfamiliar
4. Leave a comment on their blog encouraging them to participate
5. Please add Brass and Ivory to your sidebar, if it's not already

New editions of the Carnival of MS Bloggers will be presented bi-weekly at Brass and Ivory. Previous editions will be are archived here and the button below has been revised to include the new link. Please update your sidebar.



If you are not on this list and should be, or if there is something incorrect about your listing, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Thank you.

A Blessed Mess (Sheila)
A Florida Journal (SwampAngel)
A Life of Learning with MS
A Short in the Cord (Joan)
A Stellarlife (Diane)
Access Denied (Herrad)
Angst on a Shoestring (Gina)
Armed with Pointy Sticks
Barbara's Tchatzkahs
Behind Blue Eyes (Zee)
Being Ammey
Blindbeard's MS Blog
Blogbuster (Daniel)
Brain Cheese (Linda)
Brass and Ivory (Lisa)
Breaking the Dress Code (Melizzard)
Broken Clay (Katja)
Bubbie's Blog (Cathy)
Bugs, Bikes, Brains (Shauna)
Camille's MSadventures
Can You Hear Me Now? (Donna)
Caregivingly Yours (Patrick)
Carole's MS Blog (Carole)
Carolyne's MS Odyssey (Carolyne)
Catch My Disease (Lisle)
Chaos Personified
Chris Has MS (Chris)
Clods and Pebbles
Comment Column (Virginia)
Crazilynsane
Curmudgeonette (Pamela)
Dancing with MS (Lazscott)
Dandelion Wine (Lynx)
Danieldoo (Vivian)
Deborah Does Navel-Gazing (Deb)
Defeating Illness (Chris)
Deo Volente (Lisa N)
Diary of MS X (7 Divas)
Disabled Not Dead (Anne)
Dissonance
Do You Have That in My Size? (Denise)
Doug's MS Journal (Doug)
Down the MS Path (Vicki)
Effortless Eating (Elisabeth)
Electrical Disturbance (Stephan)
Erik's MS & Lyme Blog
Etsy Crest (Shelby)
Fingolimod and Me (Jeri)
Friday's Child
Funky Mango's Musings
G and K's Mom
Georgia MS Advocates
GPSOkie's" Photography and Geocaching Blog (Steven)
Great Mastications (Orla)
Home Sweet Home (Jennifer)
Hop Bloody Hop (Philip)
Huggins' MS Pages (James)
Human Life Matters (Mark)
I Have MS
I Have MS (Tim)
I'm Beating MS (Michael)
Inside the Mind of a Squirrel
Intent, Context, Perception (Chris)
Irreverence is Justified
It's Not All in My Head (Optimist)
Jayne's World (Jayne)
Jenn's Journey with MS (Jenn)
Jenn's Nook (Jenn)
Jim's Deep Thoughts (Jim)
Jo Franz, Author, Speaker, Singer
Just Above the Abyss (Heidi)
Katy and Mike's Adventure (Katy)
Kebenaran - The Truth
Know Multiple Sclerosis
Lazy Dog Public House
Libbi's MS Journey (Libbi)
Life and Times of Eric's Wife (Amy)
Life with MS (Trevis)
Life with MS, Seeking a Cure (Karyl)
Living Life as a Snowflake (Sharon)
Living Life at LeeHaven (Karen)
Living Well with MS (Michon)
Living with MS (Blinders Off)
Living with MS (Cyndee)
Living with Multiple Sclerosis (MsShad)
LJ Users with Multiple Sclerosis
Looking Forward with MS (Pamela)
Maggsbunny (Maggie)
Managing MS with Tai Chi (Joel)
Managing Multiple Sclerosis (Vince)
Mandatory Rest Period (Kim)
Marciarita
Mark and MS (Mark)
Mark Pickup (Mark)
Maybe I'm Just Lazy (Julie)
Me, Myself and MS (Emma)
Merely Me's Multiple Synchronicities (& Sclerosis)
Middle Age Mania (Tricia)
Michele's Blog (Michele)
Mike's Place (Mike)
Mima's Doings

Mismorphic's World of MS
Montana Homecoming (Sister Jane)
Movin' On with MS (Sammie)
MS A Personal Account
MS Activist (NMSS)
MS Caregivers (Prudence)
MS in the OC (Frank)
MS Maze (Mandy)
MS Musings
MS My Scene (Virginia)
MS My Way (Callie)
MS News and Notes (Deb)
MS Not Just a Diary (Dave)
MS Protocols (Jeff)
Ms Quill
MS Real Life Stories & Issues (Kristin)
MS Recovery Diet Blog (Ann)
MS Recovery Diet Blog (Judi)
MS Toolkit
MSB's Podcast
MSing Around
Multiple Sclerosis Blog (Charles of MSBpodcast.com)
Multiple Sclerosis & Faith
Multiple Sclerosis Blog and News
Multiple Sclerosis Notes
Multiple Sclerosis Sucks
My Autoimmune Life
My Chain Driven Ride through Life in Alaska (Michelle)
My Complications (Amanda)
My Demyelination (Tina)
My Journey with MS (Christina)
My Journey with MS (Nicole)
My Journey - Living Well with MS (Diana)
My Life, My Journey (Michael)
My MS Experience
My MS Journal (Jaime)
My Tysabri Diary (Lauren)
Nervus Rex (Shawna)
Newly Diagnosed with MS (Andrea)
No Time for MS (Courtney)
Now We Are Six (Tish)
Object of My Injection (Michelle)
One Crazy Chick (Chris)
One Life (Stephen)
Ontheballk9strng Weblog
Pat's Pond (Pat)
Persnickety Quilts (Dianne)
Postcards of My Life (Sherry)
Purely Patsy (14 yr old Patsy)
Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia
Rants and Musings (Cutter)
Rayne's World (Jayme)
Reality Check (Michael)
Reality Chick (Keli)
Rebooting Times
Rickshaw Diaries (Baraka)
Say It Isn't So (Mouse)
Scraps and Threadtales (YankeeQuilter)
Self-injecting Chinese Hamsters since 2007
Serina's Blog (Serina)
Shirl's the Girl (Shirley)
Shoester (Doug)
Shut Up and Pedal! (Alison)
Simply Kate (Kate)
Slipping Through My Fingers
Sorting It All Out (Michael)
Spinning My Yarns (Missabeth)
Steven's Photo Blog
Stevers!
Sunshine and Moonlight (Kim)
Surviving MS in Alaska (Michelle)
Talk Story with Kimberly
The BS of My MS (Heather)
The Endomorph (Ruth)
The Great NetXperiment
The Jaws of My Life (Jaws)
The Life & Times of Sancho Knotwise (JM)
The MonSter Ate My Branes! (Natalie)
The Multiple Sclerosis Companion (Pat)
The Perseverant Pincushion (Trish)
The Zen Pretzel Trick (Zen Angel)
These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty (Trrish)
Time to Deal with MS (Homer)
Tis Herself (Kell)
To Be Continued... (Jaime)
Tokyo Girl Down Under
Travels With Lucy (Virginia)
Troy's Multiple Sclerosis Experience
Truth and Beauty (Baraka)
Tryin' to Imagine Bliss (Suzy)
Trying to Catch My Breath
Tysabri Help (Deej)
Victoria Plum - Technician! (Vicki)
What is MS to Me (Dave)
When it's Raining... (Keeley)
White Lightning Axiom - Redux (mdm)
Wide Margins (Mary)
Willy's MS Rants (Willy)
Wind Among the Reeds
Word Salads (Have Myelin?)
YodaMamma MS & More
You Me and MS (Judi)




Thank you for helping to build a stronger MS Community.
Update: Whew... that took me 2 hours to leave comments on all of your blogs.

Aviation....

One of my great loves in life is aviation. Actually, I moved to Tulsa because of aviation. I was sitting in my home in Central Texas one day back in 1993 looking at flight school advertisements in the back of Flying magazine. My wife, in a matter of fact manner, asked me why I didn't just do something about it if I really wanted to be a pilot. I had been a paramedic for about 8 years at that point and was pretty burned out on it. The average career length for a medic was about 5 years. Her comment really struck a chord with me. We talked about it several times over the next few days and the next thing I knew, I was interviewing several flight schools to see which one would be the best fit for me. I ended up selecting Spartan School of Aeronautics for several reasons. By December of 1993. I was moving to Tulsa so that I could start school in January.

I had a great time during the 3 years I attended Spartan. It was an incredibly good flight school and I learned a lot while earning my Private, Instrument, and Commercial ratings. Alas, I had my first major MS exacerbation about 2 months before I was to graduate and was unable to complete my training. Unfortunately, I was unable to fly at all anymore. There are some pilots that have MS and are able to get their medical certificate on a waiver. Since one of my chief symptoms is vertigo, I do not qualify. Even if I was able to "cheat" the system and get my medical so that my license would be valid, I wouldn't. It would be too dangerous for both me and anyone in the plane with me due to the vertigo.

So...now I just enjoy aviation from afar. I still fly with a friend on occasion and attend any airshows in the area. I love aviation related museums, too. My photography is one of my connections to aviation, as well. I love to be at or near the airport and take photos of the various aircraft.

The aircraft below is a Spartan aircraft I captured earlier this week on a lunch break. I looked at my log book and I have about 15 hours of pilot time in this particular aircraft (N4118A). It is good to see that the plane is still in action.

Better....

I did my last dose of Solumedrol today and seem to be feeling better overall. The side effects of the medicine suck by my MS symptoms seem to be diminished. Mostly, I'm glad to have this IV out of my hand! I'm dying to get out and do some photography. I had to run an errand today and took my camera bag with me just in case. By the time I was done with my two stops I was worn out so it didn't happen.

I have a whole new respect for people that have to use a cane to get around. I stopped at "Wild Oats", a whole food grocery store, to pick up some unscented shaving cream and a few miscellaneous items. It is a bit "high end" and most of the people were pretty polite about my being in the way. Others, not so much. I can't wait to experience my first Wal-mart visit.

On the bright side, my wife had several email correspondences with the local EMS service and they want her to be there Monday morning. It looks like she is getting ready to start working for them in the very near future. My guess is that when I get home for work Monday evening, we will be a two job family for the first time in about 16 years. I don't think we will know what to do with extra money. We have been on a tight budget for so many years.

As for me, I am going to be working hard to move towards being more healthy and avoid needing to park in front of these signs!

Fun, Fun..

Well, now that we seem to be getting my wife's health back to normal, my body has decided to act up. As I have mentioned before, I have Multiple Sclerosis. For the most part, it has been relatively subdued for the past couple of years minus an occasional rearing of it's ugly head. I had an episode of Bronchitis early in February. About the time I thought it was over, I flared up and was diagnosed with Pneumonia. To be honest, it kicked my tail. I have never had Pneumonia as far as I know. I'd just as soon not ever experience that again!

Well, last week around Tuesday I became horribly fatigued. Fatigue is not unusual with MS and not unusual in my life. It's not the normal fatigue that I had before MS came into my life. It can be dibilitatingly bad. (Yes, I made that word up!) The best way I can describe it is that I feel like if I laid down, I would melt into a puddle on the ground. Just lifting my arm or taking the next step feels like it takes ever fiber of my being to accomplish. Getting on with my story, I just wrote it off as my usual stuff combined with my recent bout of Pneumonia. Sunday, I woke up and felt like I had ants crawling all over the calf of my right leg and a large abrasion or road burn on my right thigh. My first thought was that my leg was asleep. I lay there for a bit and became concerned as it was not improving. Sensations like this are not uncommon with my MS but the fact that the sensation was covering such a large are was disconcerting. I have not experienced anything like that before.

I decided to get up hoping it would go away. I almost went to the ground when I stood up. Seemed my leg did not want to follow direction. My wife was still sleeping so I carefully left the room. Basically, I played it off and didn't tell her all day. I had a scheduled appointment with my neurologist on Tuesday so I figured I would talk to him about it then. Sunday to Tuesday was a huge struggle. I managed to conceal it from my wife until my leg gave out Monday night when I was shaving. My butt hitting the edge of our fiberglass bathtub would have been loud enough but the fiberglass broke and sounded like a gunshot in the bathroom. I have my concealed carry permit and usually carry so I can understand why the wife almost had a heart attack. Not sure why she would think I would have my gun with me while I was shaving, though? Fortunately, only the tub was injured in the fall.

My neurologist thinks my exacerbation was probably set off by the Pneumonia since I ran a high temp for several days. I just receive my first dose of Solumedrol today and have two more to go. I also had to get a CANE! I probably needed one before now but this finally forced my hand. I hate the idea of a cane. I hate the idea of a scooter or wheel chair, too. I hate the stigma associated with all of these. No, I do NOT look down on people that have to use these tools. I'm quite sympathetic as I have know for a long time that they were in my future. I have been in the medical field for far to long to think like that. I just know that not everyone thinks like I do and I hate that people are simpleminded (not everyone! just some people). The truth of the matter is that the cane is helping and I appreciate the simple tool that I have found. It is taking getting used to, though. I am used to having both hands available when I walk.

I'm not having much fun with the Solumedrol. Anyone who has taken this medicine in high doses knows what I mean. Honestly, it sucks. I'm just hoping it helps.

And now for a macro photo of the new Oklahoma State Quarter taken with my Nikon D80 and Tokina 100mm Pro Macro Lens. Oh, and please excuse and (*Edit* any, not and, told ya!) spelling or grammatical errors as this Solumedrol has my brain going 100 miles per hour!

Oklahoma State Capital

DSC_0565
Originally uploaded by steveables

The Oklahoma State Capitol held a Red Cross Month event this week. My group held a blood drive in the rotunda area of the Capitol building. I decided to take advantage of the situation and shoot some photos. I think this was my favorite of the day. We didn't see many donors but I think everyone was tied up with the day's events. PR wise, it was a great day, though. And, I got to take some photos so a good day all in all.

Day at the Zoo...

I hit the Tulsa Zoo on Sunday. I figured it would be quite as it was still pretty cool out. I have to admit it was busier than I expected. But, it was nothing like it will be in the spring! I ended up shooting about 200 photos and had a couple of nice ones to show for the effort. It seemed that some of the animal were feeling pretty frisky. The rhinos were arguing and knocking heads and the tiger was making a lot of noise. I did get a nice shot of the tiger. All in all, it was still pretty bleak. The zoo ended up with quite a lot of damage from the ice storm and everything is kind of gray still. I look forward to returning when the colors brighten up a bit.

This weekend...

DSC_0096
Originally uploaded by steveables

I had a great trip to the zoo Sunday. I took about 200 photos. I'm still processing them so I will blog about the trip and post some photos as soon as I get everything processed and uploaded. I'll also discuss some of my observations on the D80.

Curious Goose

DSC_0168
Originally uploaded by steveables

Just another photo from the other day. It was quite ugly weather wise today so I didn't take any photos. I had really hoped to get photos of the eclipse last night but the clouds kept me from ever seeing the moon. Ah well....

New Look

I finally have updated the blog to the new Blogspot template. I will be moving a lot of my old links from the old blog over the next few days as I figure things out. It is a chance to clean things up and add stuff I've wanted to add but never had time.

Lunch Break....

Yesterday at lunch, I grabbed my camera gear and headed down the street to a retention pond about two blocks from work. I was a beautiful day, for February, and I was hoping to get some photos of the local waterfowl. I unloaded my gear once I arrived and placed my Nikkor 70-300mm VR lens to the D80. A short walk later, I was at the waters edge snapping photos of various geese, ducks, and gulls. I forgot to put my circular polarizer on the lens so I ended up with a lot of unwanted reflection on the water. Other than that, I had a nice time and caught a few good photos. I only spent about 30 minutes out there but it was very enjoyable. I think I will be doing that more often.

Photo Sunday....

I was able to get out Sunday afternoon after the rain to do a little photography. It is always so difficult for me to find subjects this time of year. Color is so hard to find. Especially, in nature. I've always heard that winter was a good time of the year for black and white photography. I'm starting to understand why!



I ended up taking about 60 photos on Sunday. I actually liked a few of them. :) My favorite was of a sculpture at Tulsa River Parks. I got a couple of shots of a hawk in flight that would have been nice had it been in focus. It was one of those spontaneous situations where I had to grab the camera and shoot in just a few seconds. The hawk was gone before I knew it. I pulled the photo up on my screen and zoomed in and was quickly disappointed when I saw how bad the focus turned out. I posted the two best to my Flickr account just to share "the moment"....not because they are good photos.



I have been getting out and practicing for the lunar eclipse that is supposed to occur on Wednesday. I'm pretty happy with the results I am getting with the Nikkor 70-300mm VR. I HAVE to get a new tripod someday, though. The rickety one I have now wobbles all over the place with the heavy camera and lens on it. All that said, the outlook is not good for the eclipse. They are calling for freezing rain and sleet Wednesday night. This will be the second eclipse in a row that I've missed due to weather. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Renewed Commitment

My wife and I seem to have survived the year from hell. With that, I have a renewed commitment to my blog and my photography. As to geocaching, I hope to get back to that this spring. I'm going to try to blog at least a couple of times a week. It has always been very therapeutic to me and God knows I need my therapy! After letting my camera languish in it bag for months on end, I finally stuck it on eBay and sold it. I loved my Olympus E-300 and it was a great camera but it was not meeting my needs. I have several Nikon lenses from my old 35mm days so I ended up using the funds off the Olympus to buy a Nikon D80. I've now had it a couple of days and I'm clearly going to be much happier with this camera. My goal is to take a photo every day. Hopefully, I will have many days where I take a LOT of photos.

My wife is doing great. It is nothing short of miraculous that she is even alive. To see here back in near perfect health just amazes me. She has completed all of her paramedic refresher stuff and has obtained her NREMT-P and her state license. As soon as she is 100%, she will be returning to work.

I, on the other hand, am battling my MS. Overall, I am doing well but some of my symptoms are problematic. I'm doing physical therapy three days a week trying to get my back under control. I have a muscle below my right shoulder blade that is in constant spasm. It is a pretty painful ordeal. The therapy seems to be helping to a great degree. We have done trigger point injections several times and that seems to help but it is far from a good fix. We want to do Botox injections to give me a great length of relief but the insurance company won't bite.

I'll leave you with a couple of photos I've taken over the past two days. The first is of Winston. He is a black and tan Dachshund that has been with my wife and I for about 12 years. We do not have children so he and Delia our like our kids to us. The second photo is a shot of a daisy that is in the bouquet that I got Lisa for Valentines.

What a summer...

I think this has been the most grueling eight months of my life. But it doesn't matter as it came with a happy ending. My wife had a right side heart cath last week and they officially told us that she was misdiagnosed. Obviously, I do have some mixed feelings about that but it would be a whole separate post.

Her pressures are normal and that means no pulmonary hypertension. Her new cardiologist went back and looked at all of the pieces in this long event....all of the echocardiograms, lung scans, exam reports, CICU histories, x-rays, etc. and is certain that she had a massive pulmonary embolism. He called it a "shower" embolism. Apparently, a large clot can sometimes break apart into many small clots and become lodged in the avioli capillaries in the lungs preventing the exchange of oxygen to a large portion of the lung. The fact that she survived, in large part, was the cause of the mis diagnosis. This is usually a fatal event so the assumption based on the remaining data was that she had PPH.

The greatest news is that she is well on her way to being well and this whole long event should not have any real impact on her life. The "damage" to her heart that they were seeing on the first echo they performed was actually an effect created by the very high pressure being created by the emboli. The new cardiologist does not feel that there is any permanent damage. So, great news all around.

Now I have to figure out how to let go of my fear of losing her. If she is in another room and gets quite, I almost have a panic attack. If I hear a noise that sounds like unusual breathing, same effect. The other night, my Dachshund was trying to hork something up and I almost broke my leg getting down the hall because I thought it was Lisa having difficulty breathing. I don't think I will ever forget seeing and hearing her like that last May.

Update

I'm sorry that my post have been few and far between! As you know from my previous post, I have been spending a lot of time taking care of my wife. She is actually doing remarkably well right now. She is scheduled to have the skin grafts done on her lower leg this week on Thursday and then has an appointment with the infection specialist doc. If she is given the "all clear", we can move on to the heart cath and treatment for the PPH. In spite of everything that is going on with her, she feels great. In fact, we went house shopping today.

As to my geocaching, it seems like every time I have a chance to go, it is either raining or Lisa is not feeling well. Team ARC is just dying to get out and cache a little so I am sure we will hit it soon. The same goes for my photography. I just haven't had much free time.

The one thing I have had a chance to do is some shooting. I upgraded my CCW to a Springfield XD 45C a little over a month ago and the gun shop threw in an annual membership to their indoor range. It is close to work so I am trying to get by once a week at lunch to get accustomed to my new pistol. I had never really considered carrying a .45 for concealed carry, but this compact model works very well and is easily concealed in an IWB holster. I know that firearms are a controversial topic, especially, in this day and age. I am glad I live in a state and a country that recognizes my personal right to protect myself and my family, though. To me, it is a personal decision and I don't think any less of anyone who chooses not to do so. I have had my CCL (concealed carry license) for about 11 years now and never had an incident and hope that I never do but it is comforting to know that I can protect myself if the need arises. On a similar note, my wife has decided to obtain her CCL as well. I've had many years of experience and training so I will help with her training, but she will also receive professional defensive training catering to females. She will do well as she is already a better shot than I. It has been interesting watching her transform over the 17 years that we have been married. When we first met, she was very anti-gun/anti-hunting. We were a bit of an odd couple in that sense as I grew up hunting and have always been a 2nd amendment advocate. Through the years, she has grown to understand hunting for food purposes and owning guns for self protection. She is quite a shooter now, as well, and enjoys shooting my firearms enough that she has asked for her own gun. Unfortunately, I haven't had to say much to convince her that there is a need for self protection, society has done that. Seeing bad things happen to good people everyday on the news is pretty convincing.

My Wife, My Life....

Normally, the spring would be my peak geocaching and photography time. This spring has not been very fruitful in either area for me. Much more important matters have had my attention this spring. My wife has been ill for quite some time now. She has encountered various issues over the past several years and we were never able to pinpoint the problem. This spring has been especially rough for her. She has spent about five weeks out of the last seven hospitalized for various reasons. Most recently, she began having severe difficulty breathing one day while I was at work. She called me in a panic because she could not get her breath. My wife is usually very healthy. She is 44 years old, active, and eats very healthy so these issues have been a bit of a mystery. With this latest incident, I rushed home after calling 911 to find them loading her into the ambulance. She was in pretty rough shape. For some reason, they decided to do an echocardiogram at the hospital. To make a long story short, we found the problem that had been eluding us.

My wife was diagnosed with Primary Pulmonary Hypertension (PPH). She has now been in the hospital for six days and spent the last 3 in CICU. She has significant damage to her heart and her pulmonary pressure is 100mm or five time what it should be. They have ran a multitude of test and scans and cannot figure out why she has this. Unfortunately, in some cases, they do not discover the cause. It just is what it is. Our options are pretty limited at this point. There are things they can do to lower the pressure and slow down the damage. If they can get her pressure below 70mm, she would be eligible for a heart-lung transplant but lowering it 30 points is asking a lot. The average survival is 2.8 years but they say her damage is pretty advanced already. Mostly, I am just in shock and kind of numb. We've been married 17 years and I sure expected many more to come. Since I have MS and have never been the most healthy person, I never even considered the possibility that I might outlive her. I do know that this is not a death sentence and that we can have a positive outcome, though. It is just that as test after test and time goes by, the odds are not in our favor. My wife is a fighter and she is keeping a very positive attitude. She is strong and willful. If any one can get through this, it is her.

It is ironic that just a couple of months ago, I expressed my fears here on this blog of some day losing my father. Two months later, I'm now facing this. Kinda depressing!! I've always been a pretty spiritual person with a strong belief in prayer. I find great comfort there now. I probably won't be doing a lot of caching in the near future as my focus will solely be on my wife for now. I spend a great deal of time at the hospital as I miss her terribly when I'm not there. They are taking great care of her but I can't help but worry when I am away from her.

In the mean time, find a cache for me.

Gilsson Antennas

I was reading on the www.geocaching.com forums about external antennas and someone recommended Gilsson. On a lark, I went to their website and ended up buying and external active antenna for my Lowrance H2Oc because they cost next to nothing ($19.95 or so). I ordered on Sunday and it arrived in my mailbox on Wednesday. I was quite excited and immediately hooked up the antenna and walked outside. I turned on the H2Oc and about the time I got the standard "Do no use for official navigation" warning, I got my "position acquired" notification. I'm talking seconds within turning on the unit!! I have been playing with the antenna for the last 24 hours and though I have been using GPS since 1998, I can't believe that it took me this long to acquire an external antenna! I have used pretty much every brand of available GPS (Magellan, Garmin, Lowrance) through the years and I cannot stress enough how much of a difference that these external antennas make. Lock ons are nearly instantaneous and EPE is narrowed greatly. I don't think I will ever be without one beyond today. I also can highly recommend Gilsson as they deliver quickly and seem to have a great product. I was alway very happy with my Lowrance products, but this inexpensive add-on has really added the icing to the cake.

Lowrance H2Oc

As you know, I am a huge Lowrance fan. I've been using their products since I owned a GlobalMap 100. I have been aching for a color unit for some time now and just didn't have the a good reason to spend the extra cash. Well, I still don't have a good reason, but I found the extra cash and got one anyway! I visited Bass Pro today and picked up a Lowrance H2Oc. Having owned a regular H2O before, I feel right at home with this unit. I am impressed with how much better the screen appears. One of my arguments against getting a color unit was that there was no increased functionality. After playing with the H2Oc today, I have discovered I was wrong. Simply put, with grayscale, all the roads, streams, trails, contours to some degree, and boundaries look the same...like a black line. To read the map on a non-color unit takes some patience and mistakes are likely if you rush. With the color unit, everything has it own color and is much easier to interpret at a glance. I'm glad I decided to take the plunge.

In the mean time, I put my iFinder Pro and some various computer components on eBay to cover the cost. I should actually come out ahead money wise if every thing sells for at least my starting bids. Now, If I can just get my wife home from the hospital and healed up, maybe I can go caching! Who knows, maybe a cache on the way home from the hospital tomorrow?

Musings....

This post will have nothing to do with geocaching or photography, so be forewarned. What is this post about? Just some musings about life in general. My life has been interesting the last few months. Well, probably not very interesting from an outside point of view, but from my point of view, it has been very interesting. Before I jump into that, I want to reflect a bit. I had the best childhood one could ask for, to be honest. My family was pretty well off and I never wanted for much. My parents were the best people in the world. They wanted nothing but the best for us and often we got just that. Mom was always there for us and dad was never far away. I cherish every minute of every memory I have of my childhood. Yeah, there were times that I thought I had it bad, but they were fleeting and easily forgotten. I could go on and on about the good stuff but instead, I will just hit the highlights. I love every minute of every memory related to hunting with my dad when I was growing up. I learned so much about life out there in the field with my father. I remember the first time I fired my single shot H&R 20 ga. shotgun at a cactus on a hunt for dove. The things my dad taught me out there over the years will always be with me. I remember that day on the side of the mesa outside of Sweetwater Texas as he so quietly talked me through my first shot at a doe. I remember holding back tears as I walked up on my first kill just minutes later. I was overcome with pride yet saddened. It was such a beautiful animal and I cannot deny the guilt I felt for having killed it but at the same time, I think I took a big step towards manhood that day as I knew I had put food on the table. In that instance, I also developed a respect for life that will never die. I believe in hunting. I support hunting. I will always be a hunter, just as my dad will always be a hunter. However, as I age, I find little desire within myself to kill anything. For food, yes, I will hunt. However, there is no pleasure in the kill. Pride? Yes, I do feel pride in providing...but no pleasure. I think that it should be that way. I think my dad taught me right. I know people that derive pleasure from the kill. I can't not believe that there is not something inherently wrong with them. I grew up learning how to provide for my family and I treasure that experience. I spent so many years hunting with my father and there is no way to ever express my gratitude for what he gave me out there in the field. There are just not words that would ever convey what those memories mean to me. But there is more....

I practically grew up on motorcycles. Again, memories so grand that I can never repay my father for what he did. I will never forget the trips on the back of his motorcycle to New Mexico and Colorado. I do not have a clue why I was so fortunate to be chosen to ride behind him on those trips. I spend untold miles looking at desert, mountains, and plains with my thumbs looped threw my dad's belt loops while we cruised down the road on a Honda Goldwing. I will never know what I did to deserve this privilege but I will never forget those trips. I also grew up with my own motorcycles. From my first Honda 50cc bike to my Yamaha YZ250, I never wanted for excitement. I spent untold hours blasting across the fields of West Texas on those motorcycles. Even when we traveled, my dad would load my CR125, or whatever I was riding at the time, onto a trailer and take it with us. There are no words to describe the feeling of jetting across a field on a CR125 at speeds that take your breath away. I truly was the luckiest child ever.

Even as I became a man, my parents were there for me. I wanted to be a Paramedic. My parents had to have been taken aback by this one, yet they never wavered in supporting me. I know they must have wanted me to go to college, but at the early age of 18, they let me go to paramedic school. I actually started working as an EMT in Pampa Texas while I was still in high school. Shorty thereafter, I was in paramedic school. I turned 19 and became a paramedic in the same month. Before I was 20, I would be an operations manager for an EMS service. I grew up way to quick. There are images burned into my soul that will go to my grave with me. Anything horrible that can happen to the human body, I saw. I was only 18 the first time I held in my hands a human head following an accidental decapitation. A man who's head was ran over by a Suburban, a woman shot in the chest with a shotgun, fingers ripped from a hand, gunshot wounds to every possible body part, a 12 year old girl dying in my arms....all before I was 20. In eight years as a paramedic, I would see everything horrible that could happen to anybody and have three failed marriages. Somehow, I was able to remain sane and my parent's love and support was never ending. In eight short years, I would work as a paramedic in Pampa, Ft. Worth, Arlington, Amarillo, and in Lubbock (my home town) as a flight medic.

I ended up meeting the love of my life in those final years as a paramedic. She knew that my life long dream was to be a pilot. One day as I was reading "Flying" magazine, she told me to quit dreaming and just do it. My life was about to take a drastic change in course. Within a couple of months, I was excepted into one of the most prestigious flight schools in the nations. Again, my parents were there to support my decision. I must admit, they were quite reluctant on this one, though. To make a long story short, I ended up with my Commercial/Instrument rating but within months of graduating, I became quite ill. I didn't know what was going on at the time, but I was later diagnosed with MS...Multiple Sclerosis. Needless to say, it was the end of my flying career. I have been asked if I regret my decision to go to flight school because of the negative outcome. I can emphatically say "No!". I grew up near an Airforce base and I had always dreamed of being a pilot. I achieved that dream and spent hundreds of hours in the air. Even though I will never fly alone again, I am a pilot and always will be. What I learned in school goes far beyond just flying an aircraft. I will carry those lessons throughout my life.

That brings me to today. When I was in flight school, I went to work for the American Red Cross as a phlebotomist (since I had a paramedic background). I have been there over 14 years now. Through years of hard work, I have worked my way up to manager of donor services for Oklahoma and have a wonderful office next to my boss, the CEO. Recently, she decided to create a Director position over several departments. Today, I submitted my application. I honestly do not have a clue if I will get the job. I still feel honored just to have the job I am in now. In just a few days, I will be 41 years old. My interview is set for the day after my 41st birthday. I have talked to my dad about my fears and hopes concerning my current situation and as with the rest of my life, he is there for me. What will I do when he is gone? I cannot even imagine that time, but I know it will come some day. It came so early for him. His father, my grandfather, was gone when my dad was in his 30's. How did my dad make it? I wonder if I can. He has been there for me since day one. How is it possible that I can survive without him? I cannot imagine life without either of my parents. My life is so rich because I have had them in my life. I hope I do not have to miss them for a very long time.

Edit: Fixed some spelling errors. I was quite tired when I wrote this so I apologize if I rambled a bit. I'm not sure why it was important to me to write this the other night but I am glad I did. I love what I do for a living but it has been very stressful as of late and I think because of that stress, a lot of things have been pushed to the surface. Work for me is a mission of sorts. I deeply believe in the Red Cross mission and I am passionate about our work. When things are not going perfect, it becomes personal if you feel strongly about something.

I can't say enough how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful family. I wrote a great deal about my father, but I have as many wonderful memories about my mother, two brothers, and my wife. I am sure that I have many wonderful memories waiting to be made, as well. I am very fortunate.